July Monkey

Here’s the 12 Monkeys theme for July: Describe your first impression of Montreal.

If you’ve never been to Montreal or have no idea about the city, or if you were born in Montreal and have no sense of a “first impression,” then describe your first impression of another city — preferably one you went to live in.

Here’s my monkey:

Montreal: Three First Impressions

(1) When I was a kid I passed through Montreal a couple of times while on train trips with my parents. My only recollection of these brief visits is the awe I felt at the cavernous inside of the train station. In particular, I remember repeatedly running up and down the escalators, to the chagrin of my mother who wanted me to behave. But what can you expect? My hometown of Sydney, Nova Scotia was utterly devoid of those hulking and rattling contraptions. Montreal was like a futuristic science exhibition, except we were allowed to touch the displays.

(2) Years later, when I was about 17, my brother and I took a road trip to Ontario. He lived there at the time but had come home for the summer. One day he announced that he had something to do back in Kingston so he tossed me in the car, deputized me as co-pilot, and off we went.

The car was a Ford Pinto, 1974 I think, so it didn’t go very fast. Sydney to Kingston was about a 20-hour run and we were determined to make it without stopping to sleep. By the time we got to Quebec City we were exhausted and needed a break, so we did the most irrational thing imaginable — we drove into Old Quebec and went into a bar for a beer. It was a hip place called Le Balzac — all dark and foreign and every table had a telephone and an illuminated ball with a number.

Then we grabbed some coffee and hit the road again. We passed through Montreal at about 3:00 AM, and because we arrived on the island via the Lafontaine Tunnel I didn’t get to see the city’s skyline. We traversed the city via the Trans-Canada (aka, the “40”) and I was shocked at the amount of road traffic on the highway at that time of night. I was also baffled at the signage; signs over the service roads said “40” with an arrow pointing straight ahead — but to my naïve eye that meant Hey, the 40 is over there, on the other side of that guard rail! My impression of Montreal that night was of a city of cars and confusing road signs.

(3) When I was about 20 years old, I took a train from Sydney to Ottawa to visit my brother. There was a problem with the tracks near Trois-Rivieres so everyone had to get off the train and wait while busses were rounded up to take us to the train station in Montreal. Finally, I got to see a view of the city, as it was still daytime when the bus crossed the Jacques Cartier Bridge. It wove through downtown and deposited me at Place Bonaventure, where I walked through to the train station.

I had missed my connecting train to Ottawa and had to wait several hours for the next one. I decided to use the time to look around the city a bit. I was still very much a small town boy, and was well aware of it. Although I had a burning desire to explore, I was intimidated by the huge scale of everything, the lack of English being spoken, and the awareness of my own naïveté. Regardless, I exited the station and walked up the hill towards the biggest thing I could see — Place Ville Marie.

By the time I got there — some two blocks away — I was already worried that I would not be able to find my way back. Clearly, my current uncanny sense of direction had not yet matured. As such, all I did was walk around the outside of Place Ville Marie a few times, making a vow to come back some day to really explore this place. Then I made my way back to the train station and hunted unsuccessfully for the escalators that had provided so much amusement some ten years previous. That day, my impression of Montreal was of a place that I needed to come back to, to explore.

My June Monkey

The monkeys on my back can be broken down into three categories: mini-monkeys (not very important things that I keep putting off but I’ll get to eventually); major monkeys (important things that I really need to do in order to feel like some aspect of my life is moving forward); and 800-pound gorillas (don’t ask).

I’ve been rather fortunate in the past couple of years in that I’ve managed to slay a number of major monkeys such as credit card debts and other annoying dead weights that were really cramping my style (and my stomach). Similarly, a lot of minor monkeys have gotten cleared lately via the discovery of a really amazing tool: the to-do list. As in, a honking big white board in my office and a chalkboard in the kitchen where realistic chores are listed. Seeing them there day in and day out really makes you want to just do the thing and cross it off the list.

Below, for your entertainment and enlightenment (and perhaps to function as a to-do list for me) is a selection of a few of the monkeys on my back:

Mini Monkeys

  • Figure out domain mapping through TypePad so I can get this blog back on blork.org where it belongs.
  • Put together a photo album of our 2004 San Francisco trip.
  • A whole bunch of food-related blogs, including an update to the famous “how to freeze guacamole” post and the zen-like suburban coffee ritual.
  • Organize the badly-filed stack of paperwork that’s lurking in my closet.
  • Watch the Sopranos, season three to where ever it is now. Preferably in a very short succession, like a season a week.

Major Monkeys

  • Write the stories for MontrealFood.com that I promised them ages and ages ago.
  • Organize my various credit card insurance coverages. Between my Amex, Visa, and debit cards, I have a wide range of insurance coverage, but they are all very particular and some are better at some things than at others. For example, if I rent a car with my Visa, I can waive the extra insurance thingy. Or is that my Amex? If I book a plane ticket with Amex I get cancellation insurance… I think. If I buy something with my debit card I automatically double the warranty… but has that program expired? I need to make a matrix of coverages so I can decide the best card to use for each circumstance. Back in 1999 I started gathering the paperwork to do just that. It’s still nothing more than a pile of booklets and pamphlets.
  • Take a stab at writing fiction. No — a real stab. For real. Really.
  • Deal with the bizarre ailments that have afflicted me over the past year or so, including the constant low-level tremor in my shoulder, the numbness in the ball of one foot (probably a neuroma), and the ever-swelling blanket of flab that is adorning my belly.
  • Make a will, which will include the key to unlock my passwords. But the key will only be revealed once it’s proven I wasn’t murdered for it!

800-Pound Gorillas

  • To make the language of Molière — or more accurately, of Tremblay — a real part of my daily life. As in, going both ways!
  • Two-and-a-half years ago I took a big chunk of cash out of my not-so-big RRSP to make a down payment on the condo I was buying. No problem, I’ve got 15 years to pay it back. I was under the impression that I simply had to keep contributing enough to the RRSP to eventually exceed the withdrawal amount. I recently found out that no, this is an amount I have to pay back ON TOP OF any RRSP contributions I make, and there is no tax break for the payback amount (the logic being that I’ve already seen the tax benefit the first time I contributed it).
  • The ultimate monkey on my back, the mother of all 800-pound gorillas: figure out what I want to do with my life!

June Monkey

The theme for the June Monkey is: Tell us about the monkeys on your back.

Come on, everybody’s got ’em. You know, those tasks or chores or one of these days items on your “to do” list that you can never quite get to even though you feel like it’s holding you back.

Personally, I don’t have a monkey on my back. I have an entire simian jungle on my back! It’s like the primate wing of the Cleveland Zoo back there! I even have a “monkey list” in my Palm where I can track and monitor the slaying of each one as they are vanquished. (The really big ones are reserved for the “gorilla list.”)

I haven’t checked the list for a while, but I’ll peek at it while preparing my June Monkey. (Watch for it on Wednesday.)

So? Tell us about the monkeys on your back!

My May Monkey

May’s monkey is When we are not ourselves: describe a time when you were “out of character.”

The first thing that comes to mind is tonight because I’m drawing a blank. Normally, if you give me half a chance to spin a yarn about myself I’ll go to town and back on that ticket. But this one is a toughie.

Here’s one: this isn’t so much a time when I was out of character as a phase. It was the second half of last year, when after two decades of repeating the mantra I’ll live in the city or I’ll live in the country but I’ll never live in the suburbs, Martine and I ran out and bought a house in Longueuil. (For you non-Montrealers, that’s a suburb.)

I’ll spare you the details, as that has been one of the recurring themes on the blork blog for the past six months. However, I’ll abbreviate and say that so far it has been a very pleasant change. I love the quiet, the open spaces, and the lack of congestion. I love having a back yard, a deck, and a barbeque. Perhaps most importantly, I love that I don’t have neighbours thumping over my head, under my feet, or through the walls. It’s just me and my beautiful Martine.

I am, however, occasionally haunted by memories of the 16 years I spent in and around the Plateau. And it seems like I hear that old Rush song, Subdivisions, on the radio at least three times a week since we moved.

Any escape might help to smooth
The unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe
The restless dreams of youth

I console myself by thinking “they’re singing about Toronto.” Or I think about times like yesterday morning when I was waiting for the bus to take me to work and the air was clear and the sky so blue and the trees so green that I could barely believe it. The only sound was a distant lawnmower (ubiquitous in these parts) and mourning doves coo-cooing in the trees.

As I search my noggin for other examples of being out of character I can think of a few odd times, but then I always manage to come up with a reason why that action or behaviour is not out of character.

The problem is that I have somewhat reinvented myself a number of times, to the extent that I once wrote up my life history as of it were a software release schedule:

Beta blork: thirteen years of public school
Blork 1.0: unemployed Cape Bretonner. Product recalled for reengineering.
Blork 2.0: College student.
Blork 2.5: University student.
Blork 2.6: Upwardly mobile yuppie in the making.
Blork 3.0: Quebecker
Blork 3.1: Married Quebecker, underemployed.
Blork 3.5: Career guy.
Blork 4.0: Total product revision: Non-married art student.
(etc.)

The result is unclear. On the one hand, perhaps I know myself so well that nothing seems impossible or unexpected. Travel guide photography? Plunging into a burning building to save an old man? Take a three day road trip on a couple of hours notice? Standing up in a board meeting to bust a top executive for egregious behaviour? Done them all. So my character is bold and brazen, right? But I’ve also suffered losses due to laziness, sloth, and fear. In fact, that seems closer to my daily reality.

On the other hand, perhaps this thing called blork is such an unformed clot of mud that I don’t know myself at all and everything I do is a surprise to myself.

I think it’s that second one. On a daily basis I’m filled with wonder about my activities, both standard and unusual. Wow, I’m on the Metro’s yellow line! Hey, I’ve got an office job! Jeez, did I write that? Woo hoo, I’m in the ocean! Yowser, she’s showing me her boobies!

On it goes. Every day a new surprise. Every day another mystery.